THE DREAM
“Help
us,” I screamed, “we’re sinking!” I jumped off the boat and swam to an island with my sister, who was shaking with fear and terror. “Don’t worry we’re
both safe,” I assured her, “lets go check this island out.” We walked for a
while and found a small creepy cottage. We went in and found it empty, except
for a table with two chairs. My sister went in one of the rooms to get some
sleep. I sat down in one of the chairs. I heard a sound, then the lock clicked and I heard my sister yell, “Wake up sleepy
head!”
Nice story but I think it doesn't make sense when you jumped out of the boat and landed on an island. I think you should jumping the water and then swim to the island.
ReplyDeleteI think you should have said "Do not worry we are both safe," I assured her. "Lets go and check this island." But overall ur story was great!
ReplyDeleteGood story, but when you said " we saw a small creepy little house" you don't need the little because you already have the small.
ReplyDeleteI would say to use my sister who was trembling with fear and terror. Instead of shaking with fear and terror
ReplyDelete